Things changed.......and then it rained

I wonder what God will do.........

Love speaks loudly and is heard.......
......and a selfish heart the same.

.....somehow I think I shall just know...and somehow......this I know

my confession will always be He is a shield about me

How much can one soul bear? My heart faints underneath the strain....
The world is bright as I tremble inside using all my strength to smile...
I look down to the ground and glance up in mirth.....the curtains closed just in time..
.....in time to hide the hurt...

I just bought my ticket today for England. I shall be leaving in a month and gone for five months. I am excited and a little nervous. I have much to do before I go and feel a little daunted by everything. I am so blessed....so cared for. God has taken such great care of me. He has arranged everything. I am not leaving alone. I am going with Him. It is so nice to know that I am not going my own way but following Him. On a larger scale I havn't a clue what God will do but I am excited.

At Mill St. Coffee. Sitting on the couch. Larry sitting across from me reading a magazine. Remembering when I met Larry. Thinking about all the people I have met inside these walls. The people that have impacted my life....the people whose smiles have become so dear.

..........not forgotten, not lost, not forlorn but remembered, pursued and loved.

What can I say? Words escape me.

And tears flow readily as they have been apt to do.

Where am I? Forgotten? Lost? Forlorn?

The ocean is ready to swollow me up

as waves compete to consume me.

How did I cry an ocean? How can the volume of grief be greater

than the vessel that holds my soul?

.......then as I blinked it changed again

The wind blew and when I opened my eyes everthing had changed.

Struggle

I most often want to write but get intimidated with pressure to create something beautiful, something airy, or something deep. My life at this point is not exactly the picture of beauty. There is much that is not right and in the process of being changed by a much longsuffering God.

I am appaled sometimes at my lack and inactivity to reach out to Jesus as did the woman with the issue of blood. It is easy to reach out when one needs salvation in a moment of crisis but then there is a certain amount of brushing one's self off and trying to be and do on one's own to present the gracious merciful One with someone that needs a little less grace and mercy. I can say openly that I am in great need of God's direction, grace, mercy, and empowerment. I am overwhelmed by my own lack and inaction. Stupified in fact.

It is such a struggle to fight the flesh with it's self-centeredness. Victory is ours through the blood of Jesus Christ. We have victory submitting to God. Running to Him! Walking in His Spirit. Learning what it means to be His. Having the mind of Christ. Being transformed by the renewing of our minds and walking in the authority we have as sons and daughters of a most high King. His Word is truly life! There is so much God wants to bring us into. So much He wants to set us free from.

I do so want to be in a place where my Father is glorified.

With You

Like a kite flying high I am gently held,
Like light breaking into darkness I am overwhelmed,
Like peace in a storm my feverish mind is still.
Here I am, here I live, here I feel.